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Once again in life, finally, I found you. Below is the lyrics. Do I say goodbye? I am so sorry for not being able to come on the computer until now. A kind of life I want for the rest of my life. The year of the Dragon, be our year, please bless our life, bless our home and bless our marriage. Let us live happily together for the rest of our lives. So be it! Dear, I am not afraid and I can never be. I am bold and proud of you, I love you for you, not for any particular reason because the love I have for you is unquestionable, true love indeed!

Love and death are things one can not question because you can not say where, when or how. Love catches up with us and we find our-self in deep dept. I understand love hurts especially when one does not get equal love but our love will never hurt honey, I promise on my life. I swear by the day I was born, the day I shall die and the day I shall rise again, I will love you through the thick and thin. I will love you through eternity. I will be your shoulder if you ever need a shoulder to lean on.

I will be there for you through all seasons, weather, condition and any situation. For you, I will fly with the angels just to protect and guide you from any kind of worries. I will be there and never leave. On my life, I swear! Please promise me you will never hurt me nor break my heart too. As far as our love is reciprocal, we will be happy together cos we will always understand each other, tolerate one another and endure in any kind of situation. Our life will be filled with so much joy and fulfillment of heart. We will never cry nor have any reason to.

I love you ……! The interior decoration was completed today and I am so happy about that. First thing on ……, I will be having a meeting with the professionals that will install the electric pipes on the deck of the building and once they start, it will take three days to get done. Then after that, my local labors will fix the POP to cover the pipes and that will take another three days which is the end of this ever ending project. In total, I have a stretch of 6days to complete this and earn my biggest reward in my carrier.

This means I will be retired in only few days to spend the remaining seconds of my life with you. Dear, be prepared to celebrate with me soon when I get paid. Like I told you honey, please keep my secret to you and you alone because I will never discuss my business with any one expect for love. This is how much I have given my life to you. I believe that husband and wife should not keep secret from each other if truly they are in love. So I will never keep any thing from you my love, I want us to know each other in and out. For you to know me more than I know myself and for me to know you more than you know yourself.

Without saying any word, just a sign on the face or body should be able to tell me or you what we mean. I want us to be inseparable twins lol. Good night honey, I love you so! Hello my love,. I felt like someone who has never been in love. All through my night, it was you I thought about. I talked to your picture because I have one right on my bed. I kissed it 15 and said I love you. I said so many things from one topic to the other as if I was talking to you for real. I played the song I sent to you previously and sang it over and over for your picture lol.

At a time, I knelt and prayed and thank God for bringing you into my life. I went to bed again hoping to get some sleep with your picture on my chest. Yet, eyes were just closed with minds opened just thinking about you. And before I know it, it was morning already.

This has never happened to me in my whole life. Darling, you sure make me the happiest man I can ever be; thank you! Oh, I miss ma. But then she is a strong woman my dear. She has a good heart and also I can tell you her instincts are like oracle. I already told her about you and she did say she likes you. This kind of certainty comes, but once in a lifetime. Men always seem to wonder what it takes to get a woman.

Like, what do they have to do to make a woman notice them? It means I have gotten the most important part of the journey upfront lol. Who shall say that the maiden so pretty and fair shall always have the greater man; and the ogre who walks to the beat of thundering clouds will never find her prince? Because really, love is destiny, and no one can really explain it. I hope your days are good. Our meeting would be starting at exactly p. Pls keep me updated with events around you.

You are always on my mind. Wish I could hear your voice. Hugs and kisses! I write today to wake you up into yet another beautiful day. I slept late last night as I was in bed thinking about our fantastic life together and also singing for you my love; yes, I agree that love could be crazy. That is why I believe that even though you were not physically with me in bed, your spirit, soul and mind are here with me. My love for you keeps growing with every morning sunrise and every night moon and all the moments in-between.

I lost one and yet I found another angel. How did I become so lucky. I trusted my instincts and got only you from that market and you turned gold. My instincts still direct me, move ahead with her in my journey. I really thank my God; I mean I ask for something good and he gives me the best lol. Hiding from the whole past, rains and snow, for I may be reminded of some memories, trying to forget yet I wont let go. Walking through a crowded street, I could still hear my own heartbeat.

So many people around this world my dear, tell me, where do I find someone like you? Pls take me to your heart, take me to your soul, show me that wonders can be true. They say, nothing lasts forever, we are only here today, love is now or never, pls bring me far away! Take my hands before I am too old lol.

And you do a great job on that. I have written a song I would sing for you when I get to you. In less than few weeks I would complete this project and handover and come straight to you. Would you mind picking this old man from the airport? Have you ever danced in a rain? Give it a trial and see how free your soul really is.

Every thing I want to do for the rest of my life, I want to do them with you. Will email you again today after our meeting. Please call me when you wake up, I am dieing to hear your voice. I love the way we finish each others sentences. I love how beautiful your eyes are. I love the fact that I will always be there for you too. I love how when I dream of my life partner, the only person that I can see is you.

I love how complete I feel when I am with you. I love the way you sometimes make me laugh. I love the way you sometimes laugh. I love your thoughtfulness. I love your tenderness. I love your ability to speak without saying a single word. I love the way you surprise me with the perfect emails that show you pay attention to me. I love your love for the things that interest me. I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy. I love how you demand respect but are not controlling.

I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy. I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy. I love the way your voice sounds over the phone. I love the way your voice sounds when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I love the completeness and oneness I feel when I think of us making love. I love your sensuality. I love how our romance feels like the perfect romance movie. I love how you are my soul mate.

I love the way you handle troubled times. I love the way you respect me. I love the way you protect and defend me. I love when I imagine the softness of your lips against mine. I love when I imagine the softness of you lips against my body. I love when I imagine the feeling of your hair brushing against me when we make love. I love when I imagine us laying in bed at night talking about nothing. I love the surprises you leave for me. I love your intelligence. I love your ingenuity.

I love your love for life. I love your passion for your hobbies and interests. I love how every time I look at your picture, you take my breath away. I love how I thank God everyday for bringing someone as wonderful as you into my life. I love the fact you gave me the gift of life. I love the special moments that we shared that will remain my fondest memories of you and I. I love you for you.

Sweetheart, you mean life to me. Not in this life time honey… Our love is priceless. Life is too short for you to be disappointed any longer. We are getting together soon honey. What more can make us happier than this?

7 Beautiful Spiritual Poems That Will Lift Your Spirit

You can not imagine how happy I am now and words can not even express it. I wish you a wonderful day ahead honey. The professionals will be starting work today and will finish in three days time. I love you more than life itself and nothing will change that. Coming home to you soon, Your Husband. It is yet another long day with every one very busy. How is your day going? Darling, the sets of POP needed for roofing arrived today from China and every thing went well with the installation of the electric pipes going fast. Oh, thanks to God, we are getting things exactly as planed and will be done as planed.

Since I got the money you sent, it has been much relief and great joy in the heart of every one. Once the electric pipes are completely installed and the POP are fixed , I am so happy that that would be the final stage and then I can stretch my bones once again. Honestly, it has not been an easy task. How wonderful it would be when I am finally done with this especially to know that I am coming directly to my woman. Darling, I really do hope you are doing great job on your strength, you have to be very strong in order to withstand this hot man… lol. That reminds me, I looked at your gift today again and smiled knowing how happy you would feel when you get it, something I will never tell you till I see you at the airport.

It is something so special and you can imagine what could be most special to a love. Darling, when I finally see you, I will say more than words can ever express. I love you more and more. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours Forever. Glory be to god! I am at the construction site already.


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The professionals did a great job! I felt very happy when I got here this morning and saw they fulfilled their promise. Now, another three more days to go. My local labours only need to cover the pipes with the pop and that is the end. Oh my goodness! Three more days, wish it can run very fast in only 24hrs. Last night, I did had a dream of us and it was so sweet. I never wanted to wake up cos we were having a wonderful time; I see clearly that we were in the house running and dancing and singing together and suddenly, our bodies melt together and before long, we made sweet love.

Darling, loneliness is not good and I really want you. I want you with me honey; I want you all the time; I want you every now and then; I want to sleep in bed and feel your body close to mine; I want to sing and watch you dance to my voice; I want to close my eyes and feel your breath; I want to fill those spaces in between your fingers; I want to travel to the sky and the moon and the planets and watch you fly with the real angels in wings; I want to walk beside you, not behind nor in front of you; darling, I want to sit down with you, put your leg on my laps and gently move my hand in and out of your leg to the extremes and watch you close your eyes and mourn.

Will talk to you later today. Love you more and more. I have been thinking about you all day long. You are sure the keeper of my star, wiper of my tears, carer of my soul, joy of my life, taker of my breath, reader of my mind, melter of my heart, lover of my world, reason for my living, hearer of my worries, bringer of my smiles, angel of my spirit, cover of my body, filler of all spaces, sweetest of souls. It is truly no accident finding you, god had a hand in it, long before I knew you.

I love you forever. Thank you so much for being you. Your Golden man, Ben. Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part. Even though we are apart, my love you will never part. Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness. Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines… it all comes naturally, just like loving you. Simply said… I love you… Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true. Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me! I love you! There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.

You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart. Finally my dear LO, god will is done!!! The journey that seems so far has come to an end. Oh, you need to see how relieved I feel now. I just want to send this short message and then go to the hotel room to get some sleep right away.

I mean I am so tired my love! Once I have the confirmation from him, I will forward it to you. I will call you when I wake up. Your VE lol. Also, I forwarded you my flight confirmation. Good morning to you. I know if I put the way I feel after talking to you yesterday into writing, it will never be enough.

So just give me a thousand pages and let me write this. I love the way you talk, I love the way you smile, I love the way you laugh, I love your beauty, I love that passion in you, I love that woman you are, I love you for you and I love that it is you I did find. After talking to you yesterday, I went to bed and tried to sleep but never, I spent another an hour or more in bed just thinking about this miracle happening to me. You can imagine a lonely man for nine years suddenly in love again, you are truly heaven sent. Dear, if you are placed in the midst of a million women and I am to pick, I know I will figure you out without the least mistake.

If the whole water, the oceans and the seas on earth, together with the ones in heaven are joined together and turned into ink; and the whole trees in the forest are turned into pen and I am told to write how much I adore you, I will use all the ink and pen and still have more to write. If I am to count how much I treasure you with the stones on earth, I bet I will empty the earth and will have have more to count. Even when I die and I have the opportunity to make only one wish, I would still wish that we spend our eternal life together in heaven.

Darling, I lost life when I lost Mary; I found you and you brought me back alive.

I am living once again, thank you so much. Even though I have succeeded in other areas of life, if I have not found you, I would still be like an unfortunate man. Love is all we need to stay alive for real. This morning, I am writing you from the top of my office table standing on my feet because I am supposed to be outside with the inspection team, but when I stood up to go, I could not, your thought in my mind logged on into my google account and here I am still writing.

If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I know that the day is now, when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping! You are my now and ever, my only love, and I thank you for being so kind with my heart. The inspection team of Abu Dahbi are out there waiting for me and I am going to join them now. I will email you again after every thing, to celebrate this great success together. Love Always, Your Mr. Thank you my sweet—for being you. Amazing and wonderful and a heart so true!

I get the butterflies every time its your number I dial.

Even when you are not able to answer the phone I still can hear your sweet voice Telling me its ok love! I think my heart skips a beat when I hear your voice. To love you forever—I have no choice. Thank you for showing me that TRUE love is real. What I feel for you I thought I would never feel. Thank you for listening to my worries and fears. Thank you for giving me this wonderful year. I know in my heart that you are one of a kind I am the luckiest man because its you I did find!

You can make me smile with a simple Hi My love,respect and admiration for you will never die! There is a million feelings I feel for you… all of them bright colors,none of them are blue! So Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. For being the woman of my dreams and helping me to see… That loving someone like you can truly set one free! I so much appreciate the will I so much cherish your generosity For you to understand That there are people in this world Who indeed need our help For every finger we point We get four to ourselves For every good we do We get multiple of folds in return Then what can be more rewarding than helping others When the road seems stalled You never gave up Contributions came in from two angels A friend and you despite the world population 23 I am so proud of you my love I know I will ever appreciate your kindness You are truly a light in the dark May the reward of God be with you Above all promises… Is my True love for you It is endless!

On my life I swear…. The Sun goes away at night The Moon goes away in the morning Darkness and Brightness alternates But my love for you is still in all weather, condition and situation To go nowhere until the end of time. Please enjoy your day. Love ya! Thank you for every thing and I promise to refund all your money soon. Hope you all had fun? I am fine over, just been thinking too much about you and missing you so badly. Honey, I love you with every part of my being. I want to marry your soul and I have. I dream of nobody else. If I could conjure up all the power in the world to translate my love to every form of living: physical and spiritual, I would.

You are my everything, and I love you more than life itself. I love you truly! I will be out of the door straight to the bank soon. I attached the copy of my check to this email and you already have my flight confirmation. Please remember this check is a secret I will never share with any one else so please keep it to yourself. Flight is scheduled to take off at ……PM today while we arrive tomorrow at …..

My luggage is packed and the truck man is set to take my equipments to the airport. I will also have enough money to pay the taxi man, the truck man and my deficit at the hotel. Dear, you bring to me a happiness no one else has before. You bring to me a love I have never known before. I could not imagine what my life would be like without you.

You have touched my heart in ways no one could ever comprehend. I love being with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. My Wonderful angel there is nothing on this Earth that I could ever give you that would ever come close to how I feel about you. I want to be with 24 you for the rest of your life, and I know you feel the same. If only you knew how much I want to stay in your life. Gold LO, Good day to a beautiful world. I woke up today with you on my mind just like every other day and when I think of you, I feel alive. You bring to me a happiness that no one else ever could.

I love thinking of you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Every day I wake up thanking God for you. You have given me so much, and I know I will be able to give back all that you have given me. You have been my guiding light when I was lost. You have been my comforter through all my trials and sorrow. You have been my rock. Your voice soothes me. I want to tell you that the love I have for you is undying. It is a love that is strong and enduring and will stand the test of time.

I truly feel blessed that you have become a part of my life, and I cannot wait for the day that we can join our lives together. I want to lie next to you at night and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake to your beautiful smile. I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I want to be your everything, because you are everything to me. I promise to always love you and always hold you in my heart. I will always be there for you when you need me, and I will love you no matter what life brings us. You are my soul mate, and I vow to love you all eternity.

I love you, babe. I am going now to the Embassy and the Tax office, wish me well honey. I will get in touch with you when I get back. Please take good care of yourself for me and thank you for every thing. They always make me look down my heart and see you there. Today I sat and thought, with every breath I took, of only you. I remember when we first found each other like it was yesterday. Two people in two different worlds, 9 long years that I lost my family and was all alone, not knowing what life had in store for me. And then an opening of the door and there you stand, a woman with a heart the size of the heavens above.

One day lead to the next, and then days turned into weeks and and so did our love grow and keep growing, we made a family. To lay next to you in bed and bring an end to the misery of empty pillow. Days go by and nights get longer. It makes me stronger and stronger. One thing I want you to know is I love you and you will forever be in my heart.

Good morning my love. I think the song below and the lyrics says my way of waking you up today, into a world of solid promises. I am here in the office thinking of nothing but you my dearest. I am missing you more than I can explain. I place eyes on the clock and keep watching as it moves. There is nothing I want more, all I want is to be on the flight taking me to you. Play the song, read the lyrics and open your heart, you will find me holding your hands and looking straight into your bewitching eyes.

I love you so! I asked you if you believed in soul mates and you said that you believed that God does make a special someone from every man. Whether that man finds that someone he was created for or not, I know I was created for you. Here I am, heart and soul, confessing to the world how I feel about you. I would walk to the ends of the earth to meet you, and even though we are yet to meet, I already began the journey for love, for you, for us. I sure never expected to neither meet nor find someone as amazing as you. Without further making it harder on the two of us to be together, I need to tell you that I love you and I am here waiting and hoping a miracle happened for me to get on the plan.

I have my fingers crossed, waiting and waiting. Dreaming of you always … I want you yesterday, now and forever. Did you ever get some sleep last night? I hope so. LOL Was it good? Sorry I was not all there. This prose poem is like an instruction manual for life. It is hugely uplifting and affirms life as something to be journeyed through with integrity and compassion. It touches upon many areas of existence from our relationships and careers to ageing and our mental well-being.

Truly, a deep and meaningful composition if ever there were one. Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. This short poem could not be more pertinent to the world of today if it tried. Make space in your life for this simplest act of leisure. What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows. No time to see, when woods we pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass. No time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night. No time to wait till her mouth can Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. You may ask yourself what the point of life is if all you do is repeat what others have done before you. This poem serves to remind us that the world never tires of creation and that you are a creator. It talks of great acts and great deeds, but also of love and romance and laughter and loyalty — things that every man or woman is capable of. Value what you have to contribute to this world.

No chance? Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. If you're pretty, your pretty. But the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it's just "Congratulations about your face. Do both, get married. I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are 1 Why men are all disgusting pigs, and 2 How to attract men.

Focus attention on yourself. Think about yourself. Talk about yourself. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. Listen greedily to what people say about you. Expect to be appreciated. Be suspicious. Be jealous and envious. Be sensitive to slights. Never forgive a criticism. Trust nobody but yourself. Demand agreement with your own views on everything. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them. Never forget a service you have rendered someone.

Shirk your duties if you can. Do as little as possible for others. Author unknown. Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. Who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. A man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Wedding poems

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-— several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. Mysticism is a transcendental form of common sense. Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair. From time to time, as we all know, a sect appears in our midst announcing that the world will very soon come to an end. Generally, by some slight confusion or miscalculation, it is the sect that comes to an end.

Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for ignorance. The act of defending any of the cardinal virtues has today all the exhilaration of a vice. It is ludicrous to suppose that the more sceptical we are the more we see good in everything.

It is clear that the more we are certain what good is, the more we shall see good in everything. No sceptical philosopher can ask any questions that may not equally be asked by a tired child on a hot afternoon. It is assumed that the sceptic has no bias; whereas he has a very obvious bias in favour of scepticism. Pride consists in a man making his personality the only test, instead of making truth the test. The sceptic feels himself too large to measure life by the largest things; and ends by measuring it by the smallest thing of all.

A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it. Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions. When learned men begin to use their reason, then I generally discover that they haven't got any. He is a [sane] man who can have tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head. Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to that arrogant oligarchy who merely happen to be walking around.

A detective story generally describes six living men discussing how it is that a man is dead. A modern philosophic story generally describes six dead men discussing how any man can possibly be alive. The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried. The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man. It's not that we don't have enough scoundrels to curse; it's that we don't have enough good men to curse them. The whole truth is generally the ally of virtue; a half-truth is always the ally of some vice.

It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong. There'd be a lot less scandal if people didn't idealize sin and pose as sinners. The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens. I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors.

A Psalm of Life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. Ageing isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives. The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever.

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. How many observe Christ's birthday!

Laughter Poems - Poems For Laughter - - Poem by | Poem Hunter

How few his precepts! Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows. Anthony, women's rights leader How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? President Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all other philosophers are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. Mencken, American journalist, essayist, satirist Browne, American humorist Believe those who are seeking the truth.

Doubt those who find it. The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success Life is just one damned thing after another. Only barbarians are not curious about where they come from, how they came to be where they are, where they appear to be going, whether they wish to go there, and if so, why, and if not, why not. Don't be so humble; you are not that great. Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. I have a new philosophy.

I'm only going to dread one day at a time. Life is what happens while you are making other plans. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanor. Heinlein, science fiction author A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven.

An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain-- then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? I think it's ironic that the only people who claim that humans are too advanced to have evolved naturally are the ones who demonstrate the least advanced mode of thinking. Religious belief is a fine guide around which a person might organize his own life, but an awful instrument around which to organize someone else's life.

The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. Philosophy is a set of questions that may never be answered. Religion for most people is a set of answers that may never be questioned. We seem to have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart? There is only one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him.

If he says yes, you know he is crooked. Add a few drops of malice to a half truth and you have an abso-lute truth. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. Lord: Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.

A wise man never knows all; only fools know everything. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do. How many different Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatics - Only one: Hands are already in the air, Praise Jesus!

Pentecostals - Ten. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians - None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. Episcopalians - Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they like the old one better. Mormons - Ten. One man to change the bulb, and nine wives to tell him how to do it. United Methodists - We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.

However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Southern Baptists - Change?!?!? Q: How many egotists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One. He holds onto the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him. Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they are the light bulb. I keep trying to lose weight I have a weight problem: I can't wait to start eating!!! Some people are afraid of heights.

I'm afraid of widths. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Another good weight reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. I'm on a day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days. Isn't it weird that 'Stressed' is 'Desserts' spelled backwards?

A woman's favorite three words aren't "I love you" but rather: "You've lost weight! How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep talks, and shoot them with tranquilizer darts whenever they try to crawl, on hunger-weakened limbs, toward the packet of rice cakes that constitutes the entire food supply in their 37,square-foot mansions.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste. Tao Te Ching , ch. Also from Lao Tzu: Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. Zeno of Elea: To prove she could never reach the other side, given that, before she can get there, she must get halfway there; and before she can get halfway there, she must get a quarter of the way there; and before traveling a quarter, she must travel one-eighth; and Maybe she would like to come live with me Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road?

Did she cross it with a toad? Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Martin Luther King Jr. Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and, by golly, that was good enough for us. Those were simpler times, and we were simpler folks. In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. Oprah Winfrey: Well, I understand that this chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly.

So, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not have to live his life like the rest of the chickens. We just want to know if the chicken is with us or against us. No middle ground here. Dick, do you have your gun handy? Wait a minute now, Dick! Make sure that thing's pointed in the right direction, okay? Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the monstrous wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! The chicken was going to the other side. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. What were your feelings about your mother? Lovecraft: To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.

Howard Cosell sportscaster : It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of sports history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence. Karl Marx: Driven by the lash of economic necessity, it was historically inevitable. Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it! Viva el pollo! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. Moreover, given our curved universe, if the chicken keeps moving in the same direction, it winds up coming once again to the same road!

Clown Poems | Clown Bluey

Physicist Werner Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving sufficiently fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both. Do you think you could sit with that chicken in a small room for eternity? My mother died today. Nothing matters. The world is absurd. In the reappropriation of the original text of this phenomenon, and being utterly open to its subtext of emptiness and the many, as part of our ongoing postmodernist deconstructionist project, we are interested here only in the actual feathers, tissue, beak, claws, and asphault.

Rogue cops in the L. Los Angeles Police Dept. You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. I was playing golf with it at the time. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Steven Wright: Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. On the monster first hole of play, a par-five fully yards long, Moses hit his drive a whopping yards, right down the fairway's center.

Jesus then hit his drive even further, an amazing yards, also right down the middle. As they approached the area where their golf balls had come to rest, each contemplated their second shot: Moses saw that a large pond lay tucked just before the putting green, making a second shot directly to the green over the water well-nigh impossible. So he took out a mid-iron club and, playing it safely to insure a good third shot, he laid up a nice soft shot ten yards before the pond, leaving him an easy yard pitch-shot to the green.

Jesus looks nonchalant. Moses then plays his third shot beautifully, the ball drawing to within a foot of the hole. Jesus then walks out onto the pond and, miraculously, hits the shallowly submerged ball right up out of the pond, and onto the green, where it then rolls to within just 6 inches away from the hole. Meanwhile, a party of golfers that has teed off behind them and is coming up the fairway sees what has just happened. There were about a dozen items in the original version, some of them not so funny. One wild and crazy night, in a bizarre channeling of some demented humor angel in a combination with my own knowledge of world religions and new religious movements, many elaborations on the theme burst forth.

The newer items on this list were drafted in by Timothy Conway, Ph. Say Hail Marys as penance. We pray that no more shit will happen, Inshallah! God Willing. No shit ever really happened. Let it arise and pass away. Where were you 1, years before the First Big Shit? And Heraclitus warns: don't step in it twice, even if it's not exactly the same shit. This is why we channel so much of it through you.

I am so beautifully free of shit. Shit cannot happen to me! So—you have a choice: Fear shit or Love shit. Then you can experience L. Roll it up. Smoke it up! The question is: to be, or not to be, shitty? Let there be shit. What did the birthday girl say in response? Why should peacekeepers keep the peace for themselves when the world needs it so badly nowadays? It is time for us to emerge from our fearful and powerless hiding places and see the big picture. We have met the Savior and He is Us. I see all these Children of God praying for Jesus to intervene, but we cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever.

Playful adults, that is. I will tell you. It is seriousness. Seriousness is the most serious problem we face on the planet today. Think about it. Every terrorist act -- not to mention terror itself -- begins with seriousness. Everywhere we look, we are faced with laugh-threatening seriousness. Finally, the Swami outlined his plan for conducting the Blisskrieg and waging all out peace.

While it makes no sense to take up arms against warfare, it makes all the sense in the world to lift up arms and embrace anything that nourishes peace. If war is a necessary evil, why not seek peace as a necessary good? We should be putting at least as much energy and money into secretly plotting peace-- sneaking food and clothing into war-torn nations under the cover of darkness, sending tanks to drought-stricken areas so that they can capture rainwater, sending in comedy troops in an all-out amfunniest assault-- and an even more controversial measure, dropping canisters of laughing gas on persistent pockets of seriousness.

Prayer works. According to Dr. Larry Dossey and others who have studied the healing power of prayer, surgery patients who were prayed for tended to heal more quickly. Not only that, but if the people who were doing the praying were also prayed for, results were even better! And it worked regardless of the language or religion they were praying in.

Regardless of who wins the pray-offs, everyone will benefit. Support the Alter Native Economy. So support the alter native economy-- whatever alters the natives for the better. Our lives are byproducts of what we buy. So if you want to counteract the profits of doom, only buy products with healthful and helpful byproducts.

And consider trading in your old Dodge for an Evolvo and running your karma on esteem. Rising esteem can actually improve the overall atmosphere by causing the heart to warm, and the head to cool. This may be the answer to global warming!


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Support the Peace Effort on the Om Front. Our lives are so filled up with somethings that we have no room for nothing anymore! Our minds are filled up with information everywhere we go. After a busy day thinking of everything, what a welcome relief it is to think of nothing. So as part of my work on behalf of inner peace, you can now come to my Om Page and download as much healing silence as you need-- absolutely free! And you can do your part for world inner peace by sending some peaceful silence to a friend.

Sure this is a peacemeal approach, but it works. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon you have one big peaceful meal everywhere. If we truly want to bring about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the laugh force on the planet. Take the funniest jokes from the internet, and share them on the outernet. Commit random acts of harmless comedy. Practice Fun-Shui by creating playful beauty everywhere. Make sure you spend some time each week laughing with friends and loved ones.

Remember that when it comes to laughter, the more the merrier. And remember too, what goes around comes around. In other words, the laugh you save may be your own. After the funeral for a close elder relative , my wife and children stayed home while I had to leave town for three days. As I was driving to the airport, I got really depressed.

Goose bumps appeared on my arms. I knew I was in the presence of a miraculous event. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you? Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world? I just outlived them all. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling church choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors—without having anything in particular to say! It creates a hostile work environment! It is a piece of paper that draws the illusion of all mankind.